I have been debating on updating or just letting Familyoftwo fade away.
The truth of the matter is the blog has come full circle. I came to word press as a way to grieve Aaron, and grieve I did. Yet a new adventure is about to unfold and it isn’t right to share it here. This blog, and my life changed after loosing him. Life was no longer obsessively concerned with conceiving. Even when we tried it wasn’t shared here. You guys weren’t privy to the shots, or the let down when once again AF started up at 10 days post ovulation despite having an E2 of over 1500. Life went on and so did I. We talked about Cricut projects, and my unstable mother in law (whom incidentally we haven’t seen in six weeks), or my psycho mother-who recently apologized for being a bad parent. Life is eventful, but not in teh way we all come to expect but that is about to change.
Earlier this month I consulted with the last RE in the area. The RE who is affiliated with my place of employment,the RE whom two different gynecologists highly recommended, the RE whom I recommended to an “invisible” friend who now has gone through 3 miscarriages, and has one child thanks to his help while I sit here with none. During my consult all of my preconceived fears came true. I was met not by him, but by another doctor who took my history, and only met with him for all of 15 minutes while he reviewed my history, ordered some tests, and demanded that Dr. T’s office send my history from their office. The next day I walked back in on cycle day 3 and was probed by “an angry ultrasound tech” after being poked in the vein so that they could aquire my blood.
Ten days later I walked back in and had an emotional break down that caused the RE to question my sanity I am sure. After he preformed my first ever saline ultrasound he asked me the question of the hour, “how are YOU handling all of this?” Not, lets jump right into IVF because that is what I am trained to say but rather he wanted to know how I was feeling. I waked out and called the social worker he recommended and cried my way home. That night I talked to Jacob and told him I was not scared to try again, but scared of becoming pregnant again and I wasn’t sure if I could proceed as planned. The next day, I walked back into the same hospital with a sense of calm yet with no real direction. Even so I underwent my fourth HSG in 8 years. Before we began however the doctor sat and held my hand as I told him about Jacob’s and my conversation. He told me that I was wise, and that we would go slow, but it feels like we are moving full speed ahead. And yes, most of my fears about the baby corral have been quelled.
FSH 7.6, I have the ovaries of a 30 year old. Prolactin 15.9 (down from 30.6). I am HIV, and STD negative. I am Rubella positive which means I do not have to worry about the German Measles should I become pergnant or not pregnant. My ultrasound showed 30 antral follicles on CD 3, which is high for a “normal” woman but to be expected for a woman with PCOS, which is why we over stimulate on even the lowest of Follistim doses. The HSG shows patency and a clear path. My Saline Ultrasound however showed a problem. On the left posterier wall I have a growth and a gross thickening of my uterus below it. If you remember my GYN said that my uterus “felt enlarged” when she saw me in September. Speculation is that while the polyp was noted during my hysteroscopy in February of last year, it was not removed and could have been the cause of my miscarriage though that can’t be confirmed. Ironically, had Dr. T been willing to do a D&C in May this would have been a mute issue, and my chemical pregnancy in August may have been a “real” pregnancy as well but we shall never know.
At any rate, I have to have another surgery. This time its a polypectomy, a D&C, and a hysteroscopy. The remenents will be sent out for pathology to test, but we do not forsee any issues. However he did say that women with PCOS have a higher risk of problems from these growths than a woman without.
We come full circle now. My surgery was orignally offered for February 12th, but that gave me too great a risk of having a March 10th cycle, and thus if I do become pregnant another December 15th due date. The plan after the surgery providing that the pathology is A-Ok is to try again. The RE feels that given the labs, and the patentcy equals a good chance of pregnancy on my own (with help from injections), but I want to wait until afterwards until we decide…even so…I need to step away from the key board in this particular venue. I do have an all infertility all the time blog…but to keep both is dishonest.
Thanks to everyone who was with me through two RE’s, a failed pregnancy, my mother in laws antics, and my many many many cycles of PMS and rage. I will keep up with everyones blogs, and will comment, so your not rid of me. I just feel that this blog has come full circle.