Category Archives: Husband and Wife

Full Disclosure

I have been debating on updating or just letting Familyoftwo fade away.

The truth of the matter is the blog has come full circle.  I came to word press as a way to grieve Aaron, and grieve I did.  Yet a new adventure is about to unfold and it isn’t right to share it here.  This blog, and my life changed after loosing him.  Life was no longer obsessively concerned with conceiving.  Even when we tried it wasn’t shared here.  You guys weren’t privy to the shots, or the let down when once again AF started up at 10 days post ovulation despite having an E2 of over 1500.  Life went on and so did I.  We talked about Cricut projects, and my unstable mother in law (whom incidentally we haven’t seen in six weeks), or my psycho mother-who recently apologized for being a bad parent.  Life is eventful, but not in teh way we all come to expect but that is about to change.

Earlier this month I consulted with the last RE in the area.  The RE who is affiliated with my place of employment,the RE whom two different gynecologists highly recommended, the RE whom I recommended to an “invisible” friend who now has gone through 3 miscarriages, and has one child thanks to his help while I sit here with none.  During my consult all of my preconceived fears came true.  I was met not by him, but by another doctor who took my history, and only met with him for all of 15 minutes while he reviewed my history, ordered some tests, and demanded that Dr. T’s office send my history from their office.  The next day I walked back in on cycle day 3 and was probed by “an angry ultrasound tech”  after being poked in the vein so that they could aquire my blood.

Ten days later I walked back in and had an emotional break down that caused the RE to question my sanity I am sure.  After he preformed my first ever saline ultrasound he asked me the question of the hour, “how are YOU handling all of this?”  Not, lets jump right into IVF because that is what I am trained to say but rather he wanted to know how I was feeling.  I waked out and called the social worker he recommended and cried my way home.  That night I talked to Jacob and told him I was not scared to try again, but scared of becoming pregnant again and I wasn’t sure if I could proceed as planned.  The next day, I walked back into the same hospital with a sense of calm yet with no real direction.  Even so I underwent my fourth HSG in 8 years.  Before we began however the doctor sat and held my hand as I told him about Jacob’s and my conversation.  He told me that I was wise, and that we would go slow, but it feels like we are moving full speed ahead.  And yes, most of my fears about the baby corral have been quelled.

Bottom line:

FSH 7.6, I have the ovaries of a 30 year old.  Prolactin 15.9 (down from 30.6).  I am HIV, and STD negative.  I am Rubella positive which means I do not have to worry about the German Measles should I become pergnant or not pregnant.   My ultrasound showed 30 antral follicles on CD 3, which is high for a “normal” woman but to be expected for a woman with PCOS, which is why we over stimulate on even the lowest of Follistim doses.   The HSG shows patency and a clear path.  My Saline Ultrasound however showed a problem.  On the left posterier wall I have a growth and a gross thickening of my uterus below it.  If you remember my GYN said that my uterus “felt enlarged” when she saw me in September.  Speculation is that while the polyp was noted during my hysteroscopy in February of last year, it was not removed and could have been the cause of my miscarriage though that can’t be confirmed.  Ironically, had Dr. T been willing to do a D&C in May this would have been a mute issue, and my chemical pregnancy in August may have been a “real” pregnancy as well but we shall never know.

At any rate, I have to have another surgery.  This time its a polypectomy, a D&C, and a hysteroscopy.  The remenents will be sent out for pathology to test, but we do not forsee any issues.  However he did say that women with PCOS have a higher risk of problems from these growths than a woman without.

We come full circle now.  My surgery was orignally offered for February 12th, but that gave me too great a risk of having a March 10th cycle, and thus if I do become pregnant another December 15th due date.  The plan after the surgery providing that the pathology is A-Ok is to try again.  The RE feels that given the labs, and the patentcy equals a good chance of pregnancy on my own (with help from injections), but I want to wait until afterwards until we decide…even so…I need to step away from the key board in this particular venue.  I do have an all infertility all the time blog…but to keep both is dishonest.

Thanks to everyone who was with me through two RE’s, a failed pregnancy, my mother in laws antics, and my many many many cycles of PMS and rage.  I will keep up with everyones blogs, and will comment, so your not rid of me.  I just feel that this blog has come full circle.

Viva LasVista…

Jacob purchased Vista for his computer and loves it, so he decided my laptop needed it as well.  Of course this was not a good week for my laptop.

laptopcordOn Wednesday night I came home and turned on my little companion while dinner was being made.  Despite being plugged into the wall my battery icon was flashing and my screen was dull.  I checked for the little blue light by the plug and it was absent.  Maybe the wall socket had burned out?  Alas, that wasn’t it because the end tables light was on.  I tried another wall socket, and nothing.  Having had two lap tops I have two plugs, so I tried the other one and alas we had success.  Of course the part of the plug that was bad on the original plug is also on its last legs on my second plug.

I know this isn’t making sense so let me explain.  HP has a dual plug that breaks away.  The part that plugs into the wall is connected by a cord to a box.  Then there is a second part that is just cord that plugs into the box.  The original plugs box was bad, and the second plugs top cord was bad due to frayed wires.  So even though I had 2 plugs with 4 parts the parts that I needed to make 1 good plug were all bad.  So I ordered a replacement from Am@zon and it arrived today.  Talk about service!

As soon as the plug arrived Jacob let me play for a few moments to make sure everthing was copasetic.  As soon as this was confirmed and I began to make bread he decided that it was time to load Vist@ in my laptop.  Of course I am going from the professional version of XP (he had an unregistered copy that we used when my hard drive died) to Vist@ Home Premium.  As a result Vist@ knocked out EVERYTHING in my laptop.  All of my pictures, gone.  All of my Sims2 games, which I gave to Alex since 3 is coming out next month, gone, Fire F-o-x GONE.  Along with the fox went my favorites.  So if you want me to read your blog you will have to post a comment.  Otherwise I can’t get to you.  I do not follow blogs like most do.  I do not use google reader, or what ever word press uses.  I simply read based on comments.  So no comment, no knowledge that you exist.  So this is a good opportunity…if you don’t want me to read you any longer don’t comment.  However if my charm and witt amuse you then I encourage you to comment.

Otherwise, Viva LasVista!

We’ve Got Tracking Numbers!

I was so jazzed when I actually had ten seconds at work today to check my email.  Not only was I jazzed because Kathy was on google chat, and asked us to dinner on Saturday but because I had tracking numbers.  Ok, so I had email notification of comments too but you know what people its been a really busy day!

It turns our that even though I bought 2 cartridges for the cricut from 2 different sellers that they are one in the same.  Not that it matters because shipping was FREE on both of them, but I was a bit surprised when Paypal emailed me with one tracking number from both.  Hey, I am cool and the gang so long as everything arrives and arrives safely.

Later in the day I got another email letting me know that my machine had shipped!  Its coming via UPS and will be here anywhere from Wednesday to Friday!  I can’ t wait, I am SO EXCITED.  I am actually dreaming about this contraption.  Its not healthy.  Jacob has stopped asking what I am doing on the internet for he knows the answer “looking at my next cartridge”  Last night I organized the card stock I bought by HUE!  I am obsessed I tell you obsessed!

$16 more…

cardstockSo I had a 40% off coupon and Joann’s was having a sale.  I couldn’t not go right?  I mean really my Cricut and the 2 additional cartridges that I won should be here by weeks end.  I can’t use the Cricut without any paper right?  So I had to go.

As you can plainly see, I have lost my mind.

I just came home with 65 sheet of card stock, and scrap book pages and 2 different sized packages of blank cards.  As Jacob pointed out I don’t even know if the machine works, much less if I am going to be any good at making them.  I added the last part, he didn’t.  He is very supportive of my neurosis-or perhaps he knows that I will kick his tooshy if he doubts my tenacity regarding any project I undertake.

Still, I can’t help but agree with him.  I have in 3 days spend $132.50 on a machine that cuts paper.  Hello, haven’t you heard of scissors?  I have spend $36 on a cartridge for said machine that will cut out paper dolls.  I have spent another $32 on a machine that will cut out letters, and puzzle piece shapes.  I then spend another $16 on paper and cards yet I have no idea for whom I would make a cut out doll card with puzzle shaped letters.

Does anyone know of a crafting 12 step program?

I Can’t Stop…

Apparently I am over my buyers remorse because I have spent much of the day perusing Eb@y and other venues for cartridges for my Cricut.

If I am lucky I will be getting the dress up cut outs.  I have already lost the mini monograms, and the school days but I will try again.

Jacob has calmly suggested that I wait until the machine actually arrives and to actually use it before purchasing extras for it.  This sounds reasonable, but the thrill of the chase and winning something at half off the retail price is intoxicating.  So I simply smile and nod and continue to refresh the the page to see if I am still winning, or if like the others I have lost.

I can’t wait to go to the craft store to purchase some cards and paper.  Especially if I win the dress up card!  I want to make Sara some magnetic dolls.  She LOVES Barbies, but you can’t always take the girls with you.  So I figure I can make some card stock dolls for her, and get a stick on magnet for the back.  I then can get some scrap book paper and make the clothes, adding magnets to them as well.  She can play with them on the refidgerator at Grandma’s, or on a tin in the car.  The possibilities are endless.  If I actually follow through.

Oh and Jamie, I would be happy to send you a card for Christmas, and your birthday if you supply me with your address.    Back to Ebay I go…because I can’t stop!

With Great Resolve…

We are in the last few hours of 2008.  What a year it has been!

 

January found us visiting with our new RE.

February found me under the knife, and given new hope.

March found me starting the cycle that tried to make  me a mom.

April I discovered I was pregnant.

May found me losing a pregnancy, and almost a husband.  If that was a test I hope I passed.

June was pretty non-descript.

July we were back in the saddle again.

August a possible chemical pregnancy, and a glorious vacation.

September I began what should have been a three month TTC hiatus.

October we celebrated Halloween.

November I turned 34, Kathy had her baby, and we elected our first black president!

December we mourned the should have been due date of our little one….

 

What a year it was!  While I have no idea what 2009 will bring I have made a few resolutions of sorts.  I make no illusions that I will loose 20 pounds, or that I will take up a new hobby, or that I will become a better person.  Those I leave up the optimistic.  Instead the things I resolve to do are things I can control.

 

For Example:

 

I REFUSE to visit my in-laws AT THEIR HOME until such a time that they can visit us in ours.  If they can drive 2 ½ hours to see my “dude in a dress” (thank you Gail) sister in law then they can drive the Parkway to come visit their son and daughter in law once every 6 months or so

 

I am giving myself 365 days to conceive.  I will be 35 in November, and if not pregnant by then I believe it will be time to let go of the dream and to move on.  Yes, I know I have said this before, but everyone has to reach an end at some point and I am on my last RE in town. Plus have I mentioned I will be 35?

 

I will play the Sims3 correctly and without benefit of a cheat code.

 

I will be going to the bay in August with my family with or without Jacob.  If without I am renting myself a convertible for the drive.

 

I will NOT go to my parent’s house before 8 p.m. on Christmas Eve.

 

Not a Nobel Prize winning list, but it will do for now.  There are some “real” changes that I do intent to make.  I am not that shallow, but those changes will take some time, and will be held closely to the vest. 

 

So tell me, what are your resolutions or what is on you “To Do List” for 2009?  Any big plans?  Any big celebrations?  Sadly I will probably be in bed well before the ball drops on England!

So Over It…

Wow,  what a way to spend 4 days off!  Well 2 of 4 days off anyway.

Friday was horrifically awful as my previous post mentioned.  Poor Jacob had it much worse than I did.  While I was done with the vomiting and the gastero issues by later in the afternoon he was still vomitting into the wee hours of Saturday morning.  Nothing says loving like going to the all night grocery store at 1 a.m. with your own temperature of 101.08 to get your spouse Coke, Maalox, and Motrin since Tylenol wasn’t breaking the fever.  I think the last time I was that weary and driving was when he was in the hospital in May.

Saturday morning we woke up and while we were both about as energetic as wrung out wash rags we couldn’t wait to get to the mall.  HUGE mistake.  Do you hear me…HUGE mistake.  Type 2 diabetic + not eating a full meal for36+ hours + 70 degree temperatures + dehydration =’s potential for disastor.  The mall was unussually crowded due to the sales, but I was determined to help stimulate the economy.  Almost immediately on the treck however I knew something was wrong.  Jacob continually offered to take me home, but I refused to be detered.  By Penney’s however I was on the verge of collapse.  I was sweating profusely and was feeling faint.  I was certain that I was experiencing a relapse, and not a glucose level of 47.  OOPS.  Thankfully 12 oz. of cold Coke and a rest stop later I inceased my sugar enough to allow us to proceed to home instead of to the ER.  We ventured out later in the evening where a deal with hubby was struck–he gets  to build his computer (the parts arrive on Friday) and I get a Wii-when they are ever back in stock!

This morning we slept soundly until 9 despite going to bed early by our standards.  Sleep over came us and refused to let go, thus our morning plans were wrecked but neither of us seemed to mind.  Our appetites are still not up to par, and my weight is down 5 lbs, though I so don’t suggest my mode of diet for the new year.  We are hoping by the drop of the ball that we are 100% back to normal…but back to normal or not I am so over being sick.