Irrelevant…

The lab at the hospital never did come through for me.  As a matter of fact when I left for girls night out last night at 5:30 my results still weren’t in the computer.  In reality it is irrelevant what they are.  I either ovulated or I didn’t.  Thats what those results tell me.  There is no magic bullet that says CONCEPTION occured.  Well, I am sure there is.  I am sure that after a certain number that an RE or GYN would say conception likely did occur, but as we know there can be conception with no implantation which equals no pregnancy.   Of course this will not stop me from turning on my computer immediately on Monday morning and logging into Cerner straight away.

I truly think I woke up with PMS though this morning.  I was miserable.  I am crampy.  I am cranky.  My

( . ) ( . ) should look like that.  Large, and firm, and sore.  However I was told by a very close source that not only do I look shorter, but they look more like this (.) (.) lately.  The exact quote was “everything looks smaller”  Not quite what I was going for, but it will do.  Then there is the cervix.  She is as hard as an unripened bing cherry.  She is so low in the canal that any wary unsuspecting semen may think she is a directional bouy–pun intended.
The good news is that I didn’t loose it.  Instead I went to Wal-Mart with my hubby and then out to lunch.  At lunch he told me I looked sad and asked why.  I told him I had PMS, and that I was frustrated that in the 2 cycles that we could have gotten pregnant after my miscarriage that I hadn’t.  After he rolled his eyes and sighed he took my hands.  “We are on a break.  A break that you wanted.  If you want to really try say the word.  If you aren’t trying then stop worrying”  Well gee honey when you put it like that order me a beer and light up a smoke.  Why didn’t I think of that?  I guess its just easier for them.  He knows he is OK.  He knows that my inability to become pregnant and stay pregnant isn’t his issue.  I wonder how it would be if the rolls were reversed?  I will have to ask some day.

In the mean time I stick with whether I was trying or not it remains irrelevant….as does my lack of confirmed P4 level…sigh.