I expect stupid, idiotic, ill planned responses from those who don’t know me well, or those who think infertility equals 6 months of trying. “Maybe if you just relax you will get pregnant again and carry to term” Typically I give a smart ass response such as, “well we have a cruise to no where planned, so maybe you are right” I could understand these comments if Jacob I had been married for a year, or if I were still in my 20’s, or if my blood pressure weren’t close to perfect that perhaps I am trying too hard. However when your sibling tells you that it may happen when you relax is just idiotic.
Sadly, from the year when we attended our foster parenting classes we had amassed quite the collection of baby items. In our county if you wanted to foster infants you had to have the appropriate bed room set up and the correct car seats properly installed in order to pass your home study. As a result we had at one point a complete nursery set up in our 3rd bedroom. It came in handy as my sisters both had children within the two year period following that aborted attempt at parenthood. It seems that the county of Allegheny doesn’t believe that you can be a good potential adoptive parent if you are still pursuing infertility treatments. So they got the polite F*CK OFF response from me. However as I cut my nose off to spite my face I was still left with what to do with these baby items that the niece and nephew had outgrown quickly given that their weekend visits were only once a month at best, and given that Sara co-slept regardless of whose house she was at.
Slowly we started getting rid of things. The car seat was sold on Ebay. The crib shipped to Michigan to a friend who adopted her infant nephew and then discovered she was pregnant with twins. The stroller into the garbage. You get the idea. Then right before I got pregnant I did another purge. Up in the attic was a comforter bag FILLED with baby clothes, blankets, diaper bag, and bedding. When no one wanted those they as well got pitched. Which left me with two items left, and then I got pregnant. Our baby would use the bouncer seat and the bassinet at Grandma’s house I decided. So those stayed in Jacob’s office where they would patiently wait for our December 15th arrival. When that failed to produce I didn’t have the heart to deal with those items, but yesterday while looking for my DMC thread so I could start a cross stitch pattern I came across the bassinet and base. Not being in a good place I took the base to the front porch with the intention of throwing it in the garbage on Monday.
On Sunday when Erica called I asked if she knew of anyone who could use the items? She does not. She then asked me if I wanted the bedding back that they used for Timothy that had been in our crib. I told her NO. I don’t think I will ever get pregnant again. I think if we ever are to carry to term that Dr. Kauma was correct, I need IVF, and further I need PGD and or donor eggs. Her answer was “Maybe when you relax you will get and stay pregnant” What amazed me wasn’t her ignorance, but my response. I was calm, I didn’t get upset. I explained the situation as if she didn’t know me. “Erica, its been 10 years, couple that with my early miscarriages, my PCOS, and at least $5000 worth of treatments and medications we are beyond the maybe being high stung needing to relax point”
What’s funnier about that statement is that I don’t get neurotic until after I have ovulated, after conception should have taken place. You know after the point where “relaxing” would even make a difference. Oh well. I guess as long as there are people who just don’t get that infertility isn’t a choice, but a medical problem their prescription when $10,000 IVF’s still fail to produce offspring 100% of the time will be “maybe if you just relax” Yeah thats it, just relax. Jeeves, where’s my beer? I need to mellow out….