Tonight we are seeing my family for Christmas. It will be nice as the children will all be there. Its Timothy’s third Christmas, but this will be the first where he is really aware of the gifts, and will enjoy opening the wrapping paper. Sara will be all aglow when she openes her Barbie with the Bug. While Alex will, I hope, be delighted with his D ! cks gift card.
Yes tonight will be easy. Dinner, and then church. Come back to moms and open presents.
It is tomorrow that makes me anxious. We are seeing Jacob’s family for the first time since Thanksgiving. On that day my sister in laws danced around the baby issue. Tomorrow our baby should be 10 days old. People should be flocking to us in droves, not the other way around. That makes me anxious.
I have been dealing very well with the days after my due date. A re-newed faith has washed over me. The days are no longer filled with heaviness. They are awash with the newness that the 1st of January will once again bring…but tommorow I dread. I don’t want to deal with Jacob’s family. I don’t want to see the disappointment. I don’t want to be the white elephant in the room.
We had long ago told them that when we become pregnant again that we are waiting until well after 12 weeks to tell anyone about the baby. So now I feel like every time we go over that I am being “examined” Are her breast larger? Did she have nausea after dinner? Did she drink wine? Did she say she has a doctors appointment coming up? Then there is the fact that we haven’t seen them in a full month. S urely that must mean I am pregnant RIGHT?
I know that the 25th isn’t about them. Its about the birth of Christ, and tht is the only baby that is important that day. Yet the mortal side of me, the human who is fragile and broken just wants to hide under the blankets and say forget it.
Perhaps a valium will be in order…because after all that is why it was prescribed…anxiety…