One In Every Crowd…

“Are you ready for the holidays?  Did you get all of your decorating and baking done?”  The question was asked innocuously enough at Jacob’s Christmas party.  To avoid the next obvious question “No, we didn’t do anything much this year.  I had a miscarriage early in the spring and our due date just passed so I didn’t feel like much of having Christmas” The woman whom I was answering was my husband’s bosses wife, Rosemary.

 

She reached over her husband and took my hands in hers.  “I understand, I went through infertility treatments and a miscarriage before we had our son 5 years ago.”  That opened a whole new line of conversation.  For once, I wasn’t the one being left out of the conversation—how many children, what did Johnny do for the school play this year, did Sara make honor roll, have I shown you my newest ultrasound.  Instead I was an active participant in a conversation while two other women sat in silence not knowing what to say. 

 

As it turns out Rosemary went to all of the RE’s that I have seen!  Dr. IVF is the only way you will get pregnant, told her she was TOO OLD at 38 to attempt a pregnancy with her own eggs!  This was at the consultations BEFORE she even saw the inside of an exam room!  He turned her away!  Now you tell me Dr IVF that its not all about your statistics!  Dr. T, our last RE did a cycle with them, but she found his office to be cold and uncaring during her cycle and her miscarriage-Not unlike my experience.  So at least I had validation that it wasn’t just me!  Dr. Original gives me a $1000 bill and little else screwed up her cycle.  She was to have an IUI, but they messed up the timing and she couldn’t have it done.  Miraculously that was the cycle she became pregnant on. 

 

She would like to have another child, but is afraid of being turned away at 44 like she was by Dr. K at WPAHS.  I told her that I work for WPAHS’s competition and we have our own baby factory.  She said “I never went there because I didn’t think they took our insurance” I assured her that we do and that we have diagnostic coverage—something she wasn’t aware of either.  She tugged on her husband’s sleeve, and I watched as a smile appeared on her lips and a glint in her eye.  She said “honey we won’t have to pay all that money out of pocket for an IUI this time” He rolled his eyes and patted her hand.

 

Knowingly she looked at me.  “I don’t know about Jacob, but JC is on board, but doesn’t want to be involved” I looked over at Jacob, and smiled.  “He is onboard, but he doesn’t want to be disappointed again.”  Jacob took my hand and squeezed it, and I knew what that meant.  Later when I told him I owed him an apology he asked why?  I told him because he is a normal guy-he wants me to be happy, but I get that he can’t go to my appointments because he doesn’t want to see me be disappointed. 

 

Before we left the party I told Rosemary that I would email the information for the Baby Factory to Jacob for JC.  JC told me please do it quickly because she would do nothing but harass him for it later.  Rosemary hugged me and whispered “Never give up hope…”

 

I haven’t which is why I am going to the baby factory in January myself…who knows, maybe we will run into each other before next years Christmas party…

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9 responses to “One In Every Crowd…

  1. I am go glad you were able to talk to her. I hope it made you feel a little less alone. She was so nice to open up about her own experience. I hope good things happen in January for you!

  2. I guess that is one thing we can all hope for this Christmas…a kindred spirit who understands us.

  3. Wow, that sounds like a really special connection – encouraging and supportive for both of you. It is so sweet to have someone you can connect with. Oh, and don’t give up hope!

  4. How nice to be able to open up with someone who understands. That must have been very nice. I hope you both have excellent luck.

  5. That’s really reassuring. Especially when there is hope in reach!

  6. Doesn’t it feel nice to be the center of a conversation for once? I can imagine the looks on the faces of those silent observers… horrified by our so-called lives.

    I applaud you for attending the party!

    E

  7. I am glad you had a chance to talk with rosemary. That is a nice connection that you two made and atleast you had something in common with somebody else. I hope it works out on both of your accounts.

  8. ha! one for the team, now the lucky mommies (that had it easy) get to hear OUR stories!

  9. I am glad you and Rosemary were able to share! It is amazing to not only be able to talk about it but talk to someone who so completely understands.

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