I don’t know if it was because I wanted a boy, or if it was just wishful thinking but from the moment that I knew we conceived I knew we were having a boy. Just like when I was pregnant the first time we made the “mistake” of choosing a name. We found out I was pregnant on Monday, confirmed it on Tuesday and named him on Wednesday. Two weeks later he was gone.
A friend of mine said “you seem to be taking this loss harder than the others” I have pondered that as well. I answered her with what I believe to be true-as true as I knew that Aaron was a boy-“Its because I know he was the last one” Something else I can’t put a finger on. Just as I knew I would become pregnant with him, I know now I won’ tbe pregnant again.
Today is hard, but not as hard as I anticipated it to be. Aaron could have arrived today or tomorrow depending on which due date calendar you checked. I just wonder would he have been bald? His daddy is folicularly challenged. His daddy has brown eyes and I have green-just like my sisters and their husbands combos, but each have blue eyed children. What color would Aaron’s eyes have been? He would have been long I imagine as both of his parents are blessed with height. What I don’t have to wonder about is how he would have been loved. All sets of his grandparents would have been on high alert. Each jockeying for position so they could be first to hold him. Yes, Aaron would have been loved….he is loved, and forever will be.
My sweet little baby whose heart I hold forever in mine. I wait for the day when I finally am able to hold you in my arms in heaven.
I am a childless mother who loves and misses you every day.