Time Flys…

Today should mark the begining of my maternity leave.

Monday, December 15th was my due date and since I have type 2 diabetes odds were not in my favor that they would let me go into labor on any date past that point.

Today I should have walked into my office for the last time until February.  My belly should be swollen beyond what is considered humanly possible.  I should be maneuvering the small space between the edge of my desk and the filing cabinet as I make my way to my chair.  Lunch would have been  had with the two people whom I enjoy sparring with-W would have advised a completely natural child birth with only herbs and a stick to bite for pain relief.  G-would have rolled her eyes and laughed as I said HELL NO, knock me out with a bat and wake me up when Aaron is 21.  No wait, make that 40.  By then he would be married, and I would hopefully have grand kids.  Yes, this should have been the day that began my maternity leave.

Instead on this snow covered day I am at home, but not for that reason.  I am at home because its a Friday and that is my day off from work.  Instead of folding little baby clothes and packing our bag for the hospital I will be cleaning out the kitty litter box, and mopping the kitchen floor.  Instead of counting diapers to make sure we have enough I will be counting tampons just in case AF shows up.  Instead of enjoying my last baby free weekend by going out with my hubby for one last romantic dinner I will be braving the malls and stores with my sister as we shop for Christmaswares.

Time has flown.  I remember my surgery that led us to this miracle pregnancy, at my post op Dr. T handed me my pictures of my laparascopy and said “Next we will ad photos of your baby’s first ultrasound”  When 8 weeks later the stick(s) all turned positive December seemed like a life time away.  9 months is a long time to wait for something that took ten years to be the one who would be born.  Yet now its here, and my heart and my arms are empty.  Boy how time flys…

UPDATED:  Now my period is starting.  HTF am I going to get through this weekend now?


14 responses to “Time Flys…

  1. Hello,
    I sat here for 20 minutes trying to figure out what to say. There are many words floating in my mind but nothing seems right. So I am sending hugs and love and listening ear and a promise to be a friend till the end of time.

    See you on Sunday!

  2. I am thinking of you today and this weekend. I remember when I got to my unfulfilled due date after months. It is never easy. I am so sorry that it happened the way that it did and not the way that you hoped or dreamed. Hang in there. Hugs to you and Jacob as you endure this weekend. I will be thinking about both of you. Hang in there.

  3. I am so sorry. I wish it had turned out differently for you.

  4. I think CLC said it best, I wish things had turned out different for you. I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you.

  5. This is beautifully written. How I wish we had beautiful posts to write about good things…

    I can feel your sadness through your words. The what “should have or could have” beens are overwhelming.

  6. (((HUGS)))

    I feel your sadness and pain. I understand. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make the heartache disappear.


  7. Here from LFCA and sending you lots of love and light to make it through the next couple of days. The passing of a should have been due date is so so so effing rough. ((hugs)))

  8. I, too, am so sorry that this is your path – and in this season. Thinking of you.

  9. I wish there was a perfect thing to say and I knew what it was.

    I hate the anniversaries, the little reminders of what should have been but aren’t. All so little Hubby doesn’t notice them but I can’t NOT notice.

    I’m here for ya, sister. Be good to yourself – you are a wonderful person and deserve so much better than what life has handed you.

  10. I’m sorry for your loss.

  11. Thinking of you and Aaron today . . .

  12. I am so, so sorry. I am waiting for my intended due date of 12/22 and I sit with you in sadness.

  13. Hmmm…and I’m due for my period tomorrow…on Christmas.
    What a fabulous reminder of my losses…thanks universe…what a gift…

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