Tonight I began the task of wrapping the gifts that have been purchased over the last two days. Among them are a new Barbie in a Pink Bug for Sara, a Fisher Price town for Timothy, and a Hot Wheels Play set for Tyler. Each wrapped under white paper with colorful Christmas candies printed on it.
As I wrapped I thought of the gifts still left to buy. Jacob and I had agreed that Christmas wasn’t going to be that special this year so we would skip it. My sister commented how this year will be the hardest. I said that the 15th of December, like October the 1st, and even April 8th will always be hard. Its simply unfortunate that Christmas falls in December. Despite all of this I felt the need to participate in the obligatory gift exchanges amongst the family, and among Jacob and myself. So far he is the proud owner to be of some Joe Boxer lounge pants and not much more. Certainly we are not off to an auspicious beginning by any stretch.
It was not however the contents of the paper that gave me pause, but rather the gift tags. As I penned the name of each recipient underneath I wrote the words Aunt Susan, and Uncle Jacob repetitively. I wondered silently will I ever be able to write the name of a child and under it put Love Mommy and Daddy on the from line. Will it ever be our child who jumps into our bed on Christmas Day and tells us that Santa had come the night before? Will it ever be our child who opens up a new Barbie and shrieks because it was the one they have “always” wanted? Will it ever be our child who asks his daddy to take him outside in the snow so that he can ride his new sled? Will it ever be us who stand in line on Black Friday at 4 a.m. because the only gift our child wants is the one that every other child on the continent wants as well? Or will we forever simply be Aunt Susan and Uncle Jacob?
I know, there is still much to do before the day and I shouldn’t over think it, but I can’t help but do just that…The cycle I haven’t been talking about will be over well before Christmas arrives, though I have decided not to even contemplate testing until Christmas Eve if there is a need. I wonder will I be wrapping up the stick that says we are 6 weeks pregnant that night and handing to Jacob the next day? Or instead will we be trudging on that same night to my parents house to watch the little ones open their gifts with hardened hearts? Or should I look upon that holiday as I have each other day since May 1st…as being one day closer to wrapping up the year that was hell?