M@m@ Mi@…

The definition of insanity, ok the unofficial definition is to do something over and over again expecting a different result…you know, you would think I know better but alas I simply think I am insane.

I often write about my mother in law, and we all have a good laugh.  We laugh because the things she doesn’t aren’t toxic.  Instead they are typical Marie VS Debra moments, but the things that my mother does can be considered toxic, but since I follow the standard psychological profile of needing a mothers love back I go.  Then at the end of the visit or conversation when my blood pressure is significantly higher I say the standard “Why do I keep going back?”  or “I can’t stand her I am never going over there again”  Yet again I go, over and over, and over.

What sparks this sudden disclosure of why my mother in law is crazy, but my mother insane?  Well today Jacob and I went over to visit after purchasing our new mattress and box springs.  My mother had originally offered to pay for an IUI for us in August, but conveniently didn’t have the money despite her quarterly trust funds arrival.  Then it was “I will give you that money for your Christmas gift put it towards your trip to Europe”  Then it was “I will buy your new mattress and box springs…”  just last week,  But today all of that was forgotten.  Not that I expect it, nor do I feel entitled to any of the promises that are made.  Its just simply that there is zero follow through on her part and this denial of the latest promise simply added to the litany of complaints.

Culminating with the following.  As we were talking I told her that I had seen my PCP and advised that I don’t have high blood pressure, but that I will never be allowed to use the pill again.  “Well why don’t you take out an ad in the Sunday paper doesn’t talking about this embarrass you?”  She asked  No, not really.  What is wrong with me saying I can’t take the pill?  That doesn’t embarrass me any more than saying I am allergic to Penicillin.  Its simply a fact of life.  So I said “Well, that means I can’t have  IVF.  Which comforts me because now I can say the reason is phyisical and not just financial”  I pause and then add “but we have been cleared for IUI if my cycle ever decides to arrive since the Provera still hasn’t brought it on, but we aren’t going to enterain that until after we move”

IMMEDIATELY she goes off the handle.  “When are you going to give this up?  You can’t have children so just get over it.  Good grief everyone thinks so.  Everyone knows you are grasping at straws”

You know what, everyone might think so including  you, my blog readers.   “Maybe I am tilting at windmills.  Maybe I am throwing my money away, but it isn’t your money, it is mine and until I reach menopause if I want to have an IUI every month then so be it.”  To this she turns white because she knows she has promised to help us out with an IUI and never did but at the time that wasn’t on my mind.  My simple point was I have NEVER asked ANYONE to finance our infertility EVER.  I don’t expect it, and I certainly don’t feel entitled to have it handed to me either.  But If the jab stung a little bit then so be it.  This is my life, and what I am doing in trying ot conceive may be insane.  Most would have given up years ago or would have moved on to IVF or adoption and certainly we may some day, but until we reach that point THIS is what is available to us, and frankly  I will not stand in anyones judgement and I mean that.

Now…remind me of this the next time you get a rare glimpse at my mother instead of a chuckle at the expense of my mother in law…


10 responses to “M@m@ Mi@…

  1. It continues to amaze me how glibly someone who is a parent (or, in the case of the person who said it to me, a grandparent 9 times over) can tell us to stop……I’m sorry you had to hear that.

  2. I can’t believe a mother would tell her daughter that. I’m in shock and disbelief.

    I wonder if she said that to you to make herself feel better. Like maybe she’s feeling guilty about your IF. She probably gets her hopes up each month too. JMO though.

  3. Wow, that is a terrible thing to say! I’m sorry she said that to you. That would be a hard thing for me to hear and then talk to her again. I’m with you if you tried 10 million times that is your business. Again I just say WOW.

  4. Some people are NOT meant to be mothers….and yet, they still have children. Although, if it weren’t for these same people, people like you and very close friends of mine would not exist! I would much rather have a chuckle from a MIL story than to have sadness from your actual mother. I’m sorry she feels that way and expresses it so bluntly to you. I can’t wait for the day you prove her wrong with a BFP!!!

  5. That is HORRID! I can’t believe that was her comment to you. You poor thing. It is your life and you have your expectations and who is anyone to tell you what is possible. I can’t believe that. Keep on keepin on honey…don’t let stupid comments keep you from anything!!!!

  6. Cassie (DS Friend)

    WOW, I can NOT believe your own mother said this to you. I’m so sorry. It’s wrong for anyone to tell us when it is or isn’t time to “give up”. WE will know when it’s our time to say enough. You keep on trying until you can prove her wrong!! We are all here behind you 100%!!

  7. You keep trying and when you are successful she will be a happy grandmother and she will apologize for all that she said and did or did not do.

    We keep going back because we are insane with it comes to parents. We long for them to alway be in our corner when they are not, or they say something hurtful we wonder what is wrong with us!

    Every success you and jake!

  8. As my sister often says to me, you cannot change some people or their behaviour, you can only change the way you react to them. I find it hard to follow that advice at times, but it is true.

    What a harsh thing for a mother to say.

  9. Wow. What a biotch. I don’t agree with her at all.

  10. I am so sorry you had to hear that. Especially from your mother. For some reason I have this feeling that since she is my birth mother, she should have some innate sense of how to comfort me. IF has taught me that is not the case. But I, too, keep going back expecting different results.

    You are right. She is wrong. I hope you can take some comfort in that.

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