I have found myself at another cross roads so to be honest I don’t know where or if the blog continues from here.
First and foremost, I am not bailing out on our plan to TTC in December, or later depending on how I feel at that time. Right now, I am leaning towards maybe even a longer wait. Not to long as 35 comes 14 months from now…and I don’t want to be too high risk when I get pregnant again. I am however going to change PCPs. I was speaking with a group of women who experienced secondary infertility following MC, or the birth of their children. Some as old now as Isaac would have been, and he would have just turned 9 in July. Each one who responded to my query was on an ace inhibitor while TTC and after they became pregnant, or were on a beta blocker, or were placed on a diuretic as a first line of control. Each who gave birth did so to term, healthy babies. Each had been diagnosed with hypertension prior to becoming pregnant either with medical intervention or with the good old fashioned way for thier pregnancies.
However, until we revisit TTC, IF we revisit ttc, we want to focus on us. It became crystal clear on the 17th that for the time Jacob and I not only were in the same book but on the same chapter, and more importantly on the same page. Our conversation was private, so I won’t be sharing it here. I know…shocker right. I am clamming up regarding one of the most important potentially altering changes and I dont’ want to share the nitty gritty.
The front line is that our focus is changed. We are focusing on the now. The every day matters. Our finances for example. We have gotten away from saving, and instead have licked our wounds with spending. We have a $1200 television to prove it, but I still have a bathroom that needs remodeled. Oh yes, time for a reality check there! We are also going to really put an effort into moving. We looked at a place last night that had GREAT potential…but why move from one money pit into a rental that would require such potential that the landlord isn’t willing to do? My motorcycle…Jacob admitted that he hates the idea, and would rather I buy a car. I told him I would consider it if I can instead by a convertable.
So as you can see, with a changed focus comes a cross roads. Do I continue to blog? Will anyone care? When I changed my entries from all infertility ails to general life and infertility I had someone email who said “I am not going to read your blog any more. I thought it was infertility blog….” So when I am 90, and well past my prime should I still write about my cystic ovaries and the fact that they couldn’t produce living spawn? As you can see, I didn’t take that under advisement. Anyway…I know I am rambling. I just wanted to let you all know that the blog may end, or it may continue sporatically, or it may change venues completely.
For example, October we are entering a ZERO spend month. Perhaps I will blog about that. You never know…Just bear with me folks as I figure it all out. But do know this…I type with with not a heavy heart that the end may have come…but rather with a smile on my face. i just wish that the mirror has been held in front of it a LONG time ago…for then who knows…everything may have been different…