Cross Roads…

I have found myself at another cross roads so to be honest I don’t know where or if the blog continues from here.

First and foremost, I am not bailing out on our plan to TTC in December, or later depending on how I feel at that time.  Right now, I am leaning towards maybe even a longer wait.  Not to long as 35 comes 14 months from now…and I don’t want to be too high risk when I get pregnant again.  I am however going to change PCPs.  I was speaking with a group of women who experienced secondary infertility following MC, or the birth of their children.  Some as old now as Isaac would have been, and he would have just turned 9 in July.  Each one who responded to my query was on an ace inhibitor while TTC and after they became pregnant, or were on a beta blocker, or were placed on a diuretic as a first line of control.  Each who  gave birth did so to term, healthy babies.  Each had been diagnosed with hypertension prior to becoming pregnant either with medical intervention or with the good old fashioned way for thier pregnancies.

However, until we revisit TTC, IF we revisit ttc,  we want to focus on us.  It became crystal clear on the 17th that for the time Jacob and I not only were in the same book but on the same chapter, and more importantly on the same page.  Our conversation was private, so I won’t be sharing it here.  I know…shocker right.  I am clamming up regarding one of the most important potentially altering changes and I dont’ want to share the nitty gritty.

The front line is that our focus is changed.  We are focusing on the now.  The every day matters.  Our finances for example.  We have gotten away from saving, and instead have licked our wounds with spending.  We have a $1200 television to prove it, but I still have a bathroom that needs remodeled.  Oh yes, time for a reality check there!  We are also going to really put an effort into moving.  We looked at a place last night that had GREAT potential…but why move from one money pit into a rental that would require such potential that the landlord isn’t willing to do?  My motorcycle…Jacob admitted that he hates the idea, and would rather I buy a car.  I told him I would consider it if I can instead by a convertable.

So as you can see, with a changed focus comes a cross roads.  Do I continue to blog?  Will anyone care?  When I changed my entries from all infertility ails to general life and infertility I had someone email who said “I am not going to read your blog any more.  I thought it was infertility blog….”  So when I am 90, and well past my prime should I still write about my cystic ovaries and the fact that they couldn’t produce living spawn?  As you can see, I didn’t take that under advisement.  Anyway…I know I am rambling.  I just wanted to let you all know that the blog may end, or it may continue sporatically, or it may change venues completely.

For example, October we are entering a ZERO spend month.  Perhaps I will blog about that.  You never know…Just bear with me folks as I figure it all out.  But do know this…I type with with not a heavy heart that the end may have come…but rather with a smile on my face.  i just wish that the mirror has been held in front of it a LONG time ago…for then who knows…everything may have been different…

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19 responses to “Cross Roads…

  1. I’ll miss you if you go…but will understand if that is what you need to do. I’m still reading.

  2. I’ll miss you too. Take the time to sort yourself out. I’ll still read what ever you choose to blog about.

  3. I know sorta where you are coming from. We aren’t ttc and adoption would be our ONLY option to become parents, but dh isn’t really on that page right now – maybe never will be. So my blog is sorta boring. But, as many people do, they use it for their journals so that is what I’m doing. I hope you continue, but like Amy said – we’ll understand. I’m one of those who continue to read blogs even if “something” changes.

  4. You have too many invisible friends for you to just stop blogging to them.

    You have a great way of expressing your self and what ever you blog about will be interesting to read.

  5. See, I don’t really get that. When I start to read someone’s blog, I become involved in their life, albeit the parts they want me to see. Whether it’s about infertility, finances, a stubbed toe, or candy corn I want to know what’s going on. If it ceases to interest me, I will stop reading, but, only at that point and not because it’s no longer a subject area that I can fully relate to.

    I commend you for being able to take that step back and I hope you don’t disappear because I would wonder what’s going on in your life!

  6. L-I didn’t end up in West Virginia did I? Now stop calling them invisible…I told you they are imaginary!

  7. You can count me in as one of the invisible/imaginary friends 🙂 I came accross your blog in a search and I have been reading even when it’s not about infertility, you have a great way with words so it doesn’t matter the topic!

  8. Oh Susan – – whatever you choose to blog about, whatever path you decide is right for you, I will be hear to support you through it.

  9. Delurking to tell you that I’ve been following your story for a while and I’d love to keep reading about whatever subject you want to write about. Hoping for all the best for you and Jacob.

  10. And I thought I was your only invisible friend.

    I don’t think you should stop blogging. Afterall this is an outlet for you to express yourself. (and not only where ttc is concerned.) Afterall I consider you my friend and I still want to know what happens in your life reguardless off procreation status. If you would like to change your blog, that is okay but there is nothing saying it has to be an inferttily blog forever just because it started out that way. Afterall My blog may not be an infertility blog forever or I might just create a new one at some point.

    Besides what will I laugh at if I can’t read about your potty stories!!! Although I also like reading about your finding cameras at the yard sales and I loke knowing I am not the only one out there with mil or other family issues. Keep on blogging. Even if the blog takes on a new look or you create one, don’t just disappear. We do find you interesting to read. Atleast I do.

  11. I think that you need to ask yourself why you started your blog in the first place. When you posted your first entry was it for the “invisible people” or was it for yourself? If you started it for yourself, why stop just because your life is taking you in a new direction.

    Also, life doesn’t go in a straight line. It has twists and turns all of the time. If life doesn’t go in a straight line, then why should a blog. You may loose one reader who only wants to read on one single topic, but just think of how many more you will get just because you are you. The real people who read your blog on a regular basis don’t just read it because you have IF, they read it because they care about you.

  12. I belong to the club that loves to read your blog no matter what you are writing about.

    I do understand that after reaching a crossroads, it may feel good to change some things around. Get out of a rut you may feel you are in. But blogging is very cathartic!

    You definitely need a new PCP. For every doc out there who doesn’t understand it (or seem to care) there is a doc who will KNOW how to treat PCOS and their patient. Keep looking . . .

  13. I just started reading your blog recently and would hate if you stopped. I read because I like to hear how your doing, or whatever you want to share. I hope you continue but I understand if you don’t. I think it’s great that you are finding what it is that s going to make YOU happy and I will continue reading no matter what.

  14. I am glad you are on the same page. It’s so important. And I’ll still be checking in even if you write sporadically!

  15. Write about whatever the hell you want to, I do. Admittedly my traffic is higher when I’m all infertility talk, but people still stick around when there’s no infertility talk. Some of us can focus on other aspects of life and will follow along:)

  16. Do whatever it is that makes you happy. I don’t have much to blog about in the way of IF, but I do try to talk about all my IF related feelings in my blog. I know what it feels like to decide to ‘live life,” at least from my perspective. It’s great and I have no regrets. I have found one side effect of living life has been a dramatic decrease in the amount of time and energy invested online. I must say that has been liberating too! Knowing that aspect is still part of my life but not a focus of my everyday has really changed how I look at the world. I hope it does for you too (((HUGS)))

  17. Cassie (DS Friend)

    We’ll still be here for you, no matter what you write about!! True friends (personal, online, etc) are always there for you no matter what!!
    I wish you all the best, no matter what’s going on in your blog:)

  18. I say – just keep blogging. If it helps and you enjoy it, that is. Here is to enjoying the “now”!

  19. My blog isn’t TTC/IF related anymore. I’ve noticed a slowing of traffice but it’s not about the readers. It’s about putting your thoughts down on “paper”. The blog cleanses the mind and body. So with that I say keep blogging. I’ll be a follower no matter what you write!

    XOXO

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