At Least It Was Early…

After spending an hour at the PCP’s office this morning I went and spent the afternoon with my mom.

First things first, I have been diagnosed with pre-hypertension.  If Dr. L had his way two things would occur immediately.  First, I would come off the pill today.  Second, I would begin taking an Ace Inhibitor.  However, since I have PCOS, and since I would like to try to become pregnant again in December those are impossible to prescribe.  He tells me that if it weren’t for the PCOS that I wouldn’t have type 2 diabetes, and that if I didn’t have type 2 diabetes that my level of pre-hypertension would not cause him to want to treat it.  Instead we would simply keep an eye on it.  However with the type 2, my kidneys are already under stress.  Add to that hypertension in what ever stage and they are under additional stress which is not an ideal situation.

Since we are unyielding in our desire to attempt a pregnancy, and further un yielding in my need to take the pill for cycle regularity he is going to contact Rebecca to find a middle ground SHORT TERM.  Long term, we need to come to the end of TTC so that I can go on an ace inhibitor.  Thus, if we don’t become pregnant within the 4 cycles that we have allotted we need to come to a conclusion of what to do long term to control my dysfunctional uterine bleeding attributed to the PCOS.  I am not ready for the game to be over.  I always had delusions that I could try on our own until menopause.  Have a ready to fill script of Provera available to me, and all would be well in those annovulatory months.  Now I am being told that, that goal is unreasonable.  Which it is.  Ultimately not having a child won’t kill me.  However pre-hypertension becoming stage 1,2 or 3 hypertension could.  The question then remains how stubborn do I wish to be?

At my mothers after we discussed this she asked about our holiday plans.  I told her that as of right now Jacob and I had agreed that were weren’t celebrating this year.  “Oh thats ridiculous”  She says.  “No, its not.  Christmas should have been exceptionally exciting for us this year.  Instead its going to be very disappointing and I frankly don’t want to be the cause of anyones misery”  She then says to me “Just be glad you weren’t pregnant longer.   At least this time it was early”

I couldn’t believe that she was dismissing my child so easily.  “You know mom, to you 7 1/2 weeks passed as quick as a snap of the finger.  However to Jacob and I, as is always the case, that child had lived a life time.  From the moment of the positive pregnancy test we were in love with that child, and it wouldn’t have mattered if we lost him then, or if we lost him at birth.  In those moments between Jacob I am pregnant and its a non viable pregnancy we lived a life time, and in those moments we were a family.  We lost what may have been our final child and there is no blanket statement of at least it was early that will make it better”  She apologized, and I know she means it.  She is just of “that generation”  She herself had a miscarriage, but the only difference was she had already had a living child.  She knew that odds were she would have another.

The odds aren’t in my favor.  Perhaps had Isaac been born 10 years ago, then yes this miscarriage and those before it would have been easier.  But nothing, no matter what the case study can convince me that it was any better just because “it was early”

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8 responses to “At Least It Was Early…

  1. Yeah, I got the “at least it was early” line, too. This from the same person, who has 2 children, mind you, who said, after I had an iffy ultrasound, “Put it into perspective, Lisa. Those of us who got pregnant normally might not have even known we were pregnant yet.” Ummmm…ok.

    I’m glad you were able to say that to you mom and that she listened and understood.

    As for the hypertension, did they discuss aldomet/methyldopa with you? It’s not the best blood pressure med, but, it’s safe in pregnancy.

  2. I am so sorry to hear about your hypertension. I hope your doc finds a good, short-term solution. We need a healthy mother, too!

    I was shocked, to say the least, about how little my mother understoon my m/c. I didn’t tell her I was pregnant until we were pretty sure it wasn’t going to be viable. My OB had given me one more week, then she was going to do a final US. I called my Mom because I was hysterical and she started talking about baby names. It was like she didn’t even hear me. Then when we were sure it was gone and planning the D&C my Mom was ‘sorry’ then went right on to the next topic. To this day, I still find it very bizarre.

  3. I hope you find something to suit your needs until after your baby is in your arms.

    As for the mother comments…I’m so sorry. It stings us a little more when family doesn’t understand what we’ve gone through.

  4. Susan, I am so sorry that you had to have this discussion at all, let alone with your mother. My mother seemed very unsupportive and very understanding also. I guess that comes from her never having gone through it to know that even at 7 and a half weeks it was devastating.

    I am sorry that all the medical information makes you think about permanent decisions rather than just making the decisions you want to when you want to. It is never easy when we are forced to make decisions that we aren’t prepared for and aren’t ready for at the time they come about. Hang in there. That is sometimes all you can do.

  5. The thing is – in that generation, most women wouldn’t have even known they were pregnant yet. That is early in a pregnancy to them – but for those of us who know the exact time/day that the “babies” were put into us – that is a long, long time. Especially when trying for so long and wanting the child so much.

    No one acknowledges our daughter’s twin because it was a clump of cells that never got a heartbeat. I think of her all the time. They were identical twins. We mourn her loss in silence.

    I’m sorry people say ignorant things. I know she didn’t mean to hurt you but it still does.

  6. My mother has said that to me every time I have had a miscarriage, along with “at least you know you can get pregnant” It always amazes me that after all she sees me go through and everything I say she still thinks that is the thing that will make me feel better. I have come to realize that they are our mothers and they mean well, they don’t like to see their children in pain and want to make it better. Just sometimes nobody can make it better. Hang in there. Hugs always.

  7. As you know I attempt the live vicarously (maybe misspelled) through you.

    I know when you told me you were pregnant. I thought of every thing. Getting the daycare set up at work. Hoping they had a after school program so when school was over you would know he had something to do. I think my mind got him up to 12th grade by the time you told me he was gone. 7 1/2 week…..a whole lifetime.

    I am glad that she apologized. I am sorry that it was ever said.

    hugs!

  8. Hypertension sounds scary. Definitely need your health. Cannot believe what was said… I’m so sorry!!

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