The Toilet’s Tale…

I wasn’t going to regal you with this story, but its kind of funny.  No its not kind of funny, it is funny.

Jacob’s work screwed up his pay, and a few others from when we were on vacation.  They only paid him for 3 days, as opposed to 10 with his PTO (we will get it next pay).  Thus we are checking account broke once the mortgage check goes through.  As a result his mood was less than stellar.  On Saturday it came to a head.  We were in the car heading towards Frick park when an argument (in his mind) ensues.  “Thats it we are going home”  He says, and of course me being on a hormonal high at this point starts to cry.  So he yells at me for that “Oh stop crying,  You cry about EVERYTHING any more”  Oh sure, rub salt in the wound, now we ARE fighting.

So we get home, and after I yell at him for a few minutes I go upstairs to our bathroom.  Now like most of your husbands mine has the tendency to leave the seat up.  If yours doesn’t do this don’t tell me, it won’t help.  Keep in mind my adereneline is pumping because I am upset.  I start yelling “And you are so lazy you can’t even put the toilet seat down”  Then I flip it down, lid and all.  The next thing I know my feet are covered in Tidy Bowl Blue colored water and the front of my toilet is sitting on the floor.  Jake yells up “What happened are you alright?”  Now a rational person would have started sobbing “No I hurt myself”  Or something equally pathetic but instead I start yelling “Because of you now we need a new toilet, I hope you are happy”  At this point, unbeknownst to me he has left.  He has not only left, but he has take the car AND he has left his cell phone at home on the table in the hall.

I mop up the water, and then begin to try to figure out how I can possibly make this better.  After all, I now REALLY REALLY REALLY need to go.  DUCT TAPE!  Yes, that will do it.  Duct tape…right?  Doesn’t duct tape fix everything?  LOL.  So there I am on the floor, TALKING to God and the toilet asking them to both cooperate as I piece together the big chunk, and figure out how to get the crecent shaped piece that fell of that chunk to fit back together.  Finally, after a sliced open finger (it wasn’t bad, more like a paper cut) and MUCH duct tape I got everything but the rim to go back together.

At this point Jacob, who is feeling REALLY guilty for this “argument” is home.  He comes upstairs, sees me sitting in a clean puddle of water (righty tighty, leftly lucy to turn off the water dear) trying to duct tape the toilet back together.  Immediately he starts laughing, and I again start crying “I….I….I…bbbbbrrrroookkkkeeee the ttttttoooooilllllleeeettttt”  I squeak out  and he keeps laughing.  He flushes it once, and miraculously it worked!  “Honey why did you duct tape the bowl?”  Seriously?  Your going to ask me WHY I duct taped the bowl?  “You left, and I didn’t know when you would be back, and I have to go to the bathroom!”  Whey else would I duct tape the bowl Jacob?  Huh?  You tell me!

“Honey, you do remember we have a full bathroom in the basement right?”

So that is the tale of the toilet.  It is funny, and yes I am laughing.  Jacob is right, we have a full bathroom in the basement…


11 responses to “The Toilet’s Tale…

  1. Susan, that is hysterical! Thank you for my morning laugh! I am glad that you have a bathroom in the basement!

  2. Hahahahaha! So funny. Thanks for sharing.

  3. I already laughed about this and look where that got me so I refuse to laugh this time even though it is completely comical.

  4. OMG! This is not how you told it to me. This is absolutely the best funny story I have heard in a while.


  5. OMG that is too funny! I can just imagine you sitting there trying to duct tape the porcelin back together! Can anyone say Humpty Dumpty?

  6. Lavon says to me “how could you have not told me about the duct tape” Uhm, I thought I had. I know I told Kathy. LOL.

    Wait till I take photos! We are having its wake next Friday. LOL.

  7. OMG, I have to say, I didn’t see the “bathroom in the basement” line coming!!!

  8. Yeah well I included the story on my blog about what happened to my toilet after laughing at your toilet story. I might just have to go out with the dogs from now on cause going all the way to the basement is hard for the pregnant lady!

  9. That’s sad and funny at the same time. I’m so glad you had a second bathroom!!

  10. OMG – that is just like something that would happen to me! CRAZY!!

    So, how long has there been a bathroom in the basement?!?!

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