We just returned from vacation 2008, and already vacation 2009 has been booked and planned but its a little bitter sweet. See, my mom wanted to have one FULL family vacation before she passes. Not that its imminent, nor that we expect it to be. No, she simply wants the family to get together for certain “just once” Of course its going to be fun. But, its going to be sad too. My sisters and their husbands will be there, and that means the children will be there.
We however will not be the only infertile couple there however. No, my cousins or I guess they are second cousins will be there as well. They went through several IVF’s, and a failed foster placement. They fostered a pre-teen into her teens. Dad was in jail, and mom ran off. So of course there many abandonment issues in place. Once she started doing drugs, and ended up pregnant things took a downward turn. They wanted to help her, and her child but she just put them through too much so they had to protect their own interests and she unfortunately went back into the system. Of course when we all get together the comparisons start. “Oh well you know Susan and Jacob can’t have children either” Like its some badge of honor that we wear under our lapel. Of course they know, my mother called them the moment I told you I was pregnant again. I can only imagine how that knife twisted in Laura’s heart.
I really want to go. I mean heck, Mom is paying for the cottage! Almost $3000 for 8 days! All we have to do is pay for our food, and any souveneirs we may want. Heck, we never have to leave the house if we don’t want too. There are 2 patios, one with a fire pit. Plus a private beach, and a big screen television in the great room. Of course there will be no topless photos in the hot tub next year, but its all good. Then there is the other part of me. That part wants to curl up in a ball and stay away. After all, Aaron would have been 8 months old. The perfect age to take on a first trip to the bay. But the other part of me says…you can’t dwell on that. The dream for children is over…but that doesn’t mean you stop living your life, it simply means that life changes the way its lived. That change doesn’t mean that you won’t encounter others who have had the same house dropped on them, nor will you stop hurting when you see belly’s are due around the time you would have been, nor will you stop seeing children that will age even though Aaron never will. What I hope it does mean is that people won’t always look at you with sad and empty eyes because they don’t know what to say.
I know, I am worrying for nothing. Its going to be a great trip. Its going to be relaxing, and fun, and the best part…I won’t have sticky little fingers grabbing for me after dinner who need baths, and then to be put to bed by 8…lest they get too cranky and ruin everyone’s evening. Well I might, but I can look at them and say “Go find your parents!” No, instead Jacob and I will be walking the shores of the private beach. We will come back to the patio and light a fire in the pit. We will sit in anarondak chairs, me with a Shmirnoff’s Ice in hand, him with a diet soda (he can’t drink due to his ulcers).
Oh yes, Aug 8-15th are going to be great….same time, different location next year…