Update…

AF arrived this morning at 16 dpo.  Thus I have experienced the LONGEST LP in my menstruating history.  My longest cycle ever was 52 days, but that was annovulatory so this one wins hands down.  My best guess is we may have had a chemical with the lightly positive test on Friday.  After all this is how IVF fails, you obviously have conception but no implantation. 

Jacob and I talked last night.  Once again he told me he doesn’t have the biological craving or need to have a child like I do.  Once again he asked for an end game.  Either we are done and I need to face being done.  Or we jump back into the frey with both feet, but we have to accept IUI is as far as we financially can go.  This is something I need to accept.  If we stay with Dr. T, who was brilliant at getting me pregnant again he will do 7 IUI’s before moving you to IVF.  Jacob suggested 4, cut it down the middle.  That would give us 6 total ovulatory cycles–which at that point if we aren’t pregnant again its just not going to happen. 

Right now, not being in a 2ww, or suffering the beginings of PMS say GREAT IDEA!  I can live with that.  4 attempts makes perfect logical sense.  However what will happen if by try 4 I am not pregnant, and I want to try 5, 6 and 7?  I suppose we cross that bridge when we get to it.  At any rate I am keeping my appointment with Rebecca for the 4th of September.  This time I have it scheduled early enough in the day that I can actually go.  I am still going to ask for the Seasonique script.  I still believe that a 3 month break, a REAL break is what I need.  Then when we are ready…when we are BOTH ready to try…not obsess we know what we will have to do.

Either way, I am not going to dwell.  I have to pack for vacation!

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9 responses to “Update…

  1. Well I am sorry that not so friendly AF showed up. But you know Jake is right. You need to both be on the same page at the same time. A real break is a good opportunity to make sure you guys are on the same page.

    I hope you have a great time on your vacation. Atleast the beach will be a great place to start fresh and get a renewed spirit.

  2. Sounds like great options. At first I was unsure about IVF, but the longer I’ve been ttc, the more I’m open to it. I’ve learned I have the right and ability to change my mind. If you hit 4 and still want to try, you can. But someone once told me – who went through several IUIs, IVFs and never conceived – it is good to set a limit on what you’re going to do, otherwise it can be all consuming and you can be completely drained afterward.

    Whatever you decide – I hope you have a wonderful vacation!

  3. Have a great time on vacation! I agree that a REAL break from ttc is a good idea. I’ve done it and I must say it is very cathartic. You don’t need to make any firm decisions about the future right now, just take it day by day for a while and try to clear your head. It will come to you.

  4. Sorry AF found you.

    I pray you find peace with whatever you decide. Just remember we can’t prodict the future. You may find a way to financial pay for a cycle of IVF…just not this year.

    Have a great time on yoru vacation.

  5. enjoy your vacation and try not obsess (yeah right! i should take my own advice). i absolutely hate this internal dialogue. my husband and i are in the process of discussing how many more time ourselves. we sometimes say 2 more losses, or 4 more years, etc. it’s ever changing, so i understand where you are. but really enjoy your vacation. and i am sorry about the very faint BFP that led to AF.

  6. It is amazing what seems perfectly logical at one point in your cycle can be completely different at another. I have been there! I also struggle with Hubby in that he can live without children – I don’t know that I can.

    Enjoy your vacation and enjoy just not thinking about it for a minute. And thanks for the info about the Ganirelix – I appreciate it!!

  7. It’s hard deciding on an end plan, and what’ll be enough or not. We’re now at the point where we want to end it, we know that for sure, and probably soon, it’s just how much more we want to do before that end – cuz his line is different than mine unfortunately. Tough shit isn’t it?

  8. Don’t you hate the mind games that come along with IF? Do I or don’t I? Will I or won’t I? It’s a freaking mess.

    I’m sorry that AF found you, but at least she’ll be on her way out by your vacation. Enjoy the sun and sand. And have a drink for me!

  9. I am hoping that you never need 4 more tries. Sorry about AF, but encouraged by your long LT

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