Before my miscarriage I had begun to go back to church. I went one time after, but by then so much anger was coursing through me that I stopped going. It was easy for me to curse and ask “why me?” It was easy to blame God for giving and taking away my child as quickly as he gave him to me. It wasn’t so easy to bow my head in prayer and say “I don’t get it, can you please help me understand” Anger is easy, letting go is hard…then in the normal course of the day yesterday I came across an outlet in a most unusual place.
As is my habit I begin my day reading my usual suspects blogs. Then by afternoon I will periodically click on their blog roll links to see who they like to read. 90% of them are other infertility and or loss blogs which was the case when I clicked the link that took me to another blog. Only the blog I was taken too wasn’t lamenting infertility and loss, but rather sharing a story of a loss, and the sharing of ones faith.
I can’t explain the feeling I got as I read the blog, but tears began streaming down my face, and a feeling of peace washed over me. I emailed the author to say thank you, and she wrote back. She offered to send me a bible, but wouldn’t be offended if I declined. I accepted with gratitude. I have been married for 10 years, and yet none of our homes have ever included a bible. I don’t know what will come of this. Will I attend church again? Will I ever reach the point of understanding? Will I ever open the book and read? I can’t answer any of those things right now. But I can say is that through a blog I was touched by an angel.
Take a moment and stop over–You will understand why when you do.