First let me thank everyone who took the time to comment on my 2nd July 7th blog. Thanks to my loyal viewers, and I am sure some others you broke my all time viewing record! On July 7th I had OVER 170 views to my blog! I am sure that some of those were double and triple views to see if there were new comments, but still that is a number that amazed me. There was only one other day with over 130 visits, and that was May 27th–The day Jacob was in the ICU ward. So while not everyone comments, it is nice to know that so many people stop by!
I know I still owe you the story of our wedding, and I PROMISE that by Monday I will have it posted. I would do it now, but I am tired. I know that sounds so lame, but seriously that is the reason. I want to go upstairs and curl up with my Woman’s Day and Popular Mechanics. There is a fabulous article on the New Area 51! I can’t wait to read it.
On a more serious note, while I was disgusted with the comment that was made, it did open my mind. Not to adoption as I am already there. All it would take is money and a willing husband. It did however open my mind made me realize that I need to be and can be happy come what may. I think for the first time I realized, every decision is come to by making a choice. Those choices do not come with guarantees and I can be miserable because I don’t have what I want. Or I can continue to make choices that bring us closer to what we would like to have, but with the understanding that we may not get it. But regardless of the choices, and how we resolve them…I need to be happy.
Sure there will still be bad days. If we try again the first BFN, the first day of the first period, the next miscarriage, the death of a pet, the next dent in the car. I am not naive enough to think that this revelation will suddenly make me Little Suzie Sunshine…boy I would hate her…but it did make me realize that I can be a miserable childless woman, or I can be a woman who says “I tried, and it failed….but life must still go on”
We have been trying in one form or another to become pregnant since February of 1999. I got pregnant in September of 1998, and miscarried in November… Well, its time to break more than a blog record…its time to break the record of being miserable if trying this and trying that doesn’t work. I can get pregnant, but since I have not given birth I am classified as infertile. Infertility is a classification, not a definition. Its time to break the record of being defined by trying this and trying that, and to be defined as a happily married woman who simply hasn’t got any kids…at least not yet. I’m not done trying forever, just for now…but when or if we go back to shooting FSH into my belly it is not going to take over the rest of my life. Choices must be made, and it won’t be till the end that I will know if I made the right ones…but even then, I hope to live with no regrets…and certainly I hope to break more records.