This near death experience of Jacob’s, has really made us both realize how important children are to our lives. Not that we wouldn’t survive without them, but how much we both want them. How had he died, had I still been pregnant (over 11 weeks now), that I would have had an eternal piece of him. Not that a child would have replaced him, no its not that, but I would have always had a reminder of him. Same would be true if we had a child and I was to suddenly pass. A child certainly doesn’t take the place of a wife, or mother but it is a living reminder of what was.
My original plan, without discussing it with Jacob, was to restart the ring after I removed it on Sunday (I was spotting even with it in, so I know my body is ready to have a period). However, on Saturday night when I mentioned this to him I was met with resistance. “When do I need to be back in service?” He asked as if he were only being used to stand stud. I told him in about 2- 3 weeks, if I didn’t restart the ring. “I will be fine by then. We are going to try for our baby” I was more than a bit shocked. Me, I am petrified of the first time we are intimate. After all, it will result in a rise in blood pressure and if not that, blood being transfered to a non vital system should be considered un-healthy since he is a quart low. I mean really, he is a quart low, shouldn’t we wait? He then reminded me that I asked the resident who thought we were so cute and so in love a variation on that question. We were told no, its healthy and to enjoy, there are no restrictions in that department. Easy for her to say. Jacob was one of many patients she saw over those few days, but he is my only husband. I already feel responsible for giving him Excedrin after a bleed, and now you tell me its OK to be intimate with him. No way. That seems to risky. Isn’t there another way? Couldn’t we use a turkey baster to get it out and put it back in? Or how about a suction cup? Or how about gravity? Truthfully, I am willing to try anything so long as it doesn’t kill him.
Even so, despite my apprehension, we are carrying on with our 28 day plan. The ring is out, and AF will arrive I am guessing today (which she seems like she is trying to do) or tomorrow. Injections then will begin either Friday or Saturday. Ovulation will then be between 12-16 days later. With us finding out, or I suppose confirming pregnancy if AF doesn’t show up 14 days after that, that I am pregnant again. That alone is petrifying, without adding the additional responsibility of not wanting to kill my husband ya know.
Yes, I know the killing him part is probably irrational…but when you can’t close your eyes without seeing the sight of blood coming out of him…you will understand.