I am pleased to say that Jacob is STABLE! I spoke the resident tonight who has been on the unit all day. Now come the big IF’s. IF he remains stable in blood pressure, hemaglobin/hemocrit, and has no nausea they will remove the NG tube TOMORROW! Oh, wait this is a BIG IF…IF when they lavage the NG tube its CLEAR. There can be ZERO blood output or red fluid at all. Ok, so lets assume that this all goes well…the NG tube comes out. Then they will move him to a regular room! No more 30 minute visits every 3 hours. They will then start him on a liquid diet, and if he sustains that with NO BLEEDING, and NO NAUSEA then they will move him to a bland food diet. From there they will send him home in a day or so. Thank heavens!
Its amazing though, I am so lonely. I have the dog, and the cat but I am lonely. Now don’t think that Jacob and I are attached at the hip. No, often times he is upstairs playing WOW, or is watching sports on TV while I am upstairs in our bedroom w/my lap top. Yet he is HERE. He is available to me. This is just a horribly lonely feeling. I come home and its quiet. There is no ambient noise coming from any corner of the house. I miss his laughter that would often pierce what I considered quiet up until tonight. Oh how I can’t wait for him to come home.
I told him tonight that I can’t wait for him to come home. I can’t wait for him to yell at me because the dog chewed through a pair of his underwear. For us to “argue” over what to have for dinner. Just to be here. Especially since tonight I wiped away his tears while he told me how scared he was. I promised him, that I would never lie to him. I told him at 2 a.m., I thought I was going to loose him, that I was going to be a widow. Yet, here at that time at 8 p.m. I could almost 100% promise him that he would be coming home healthy and happy.
Please let it be…because the silence is deafening…