I don’t know how much more I am expected to endure, but damn it ENOUGH ALREADY. Do you hear me? ENOUGH. I don’t know if there is a God, but if there is you completely ignored my prayer AGAIN.
Last night at 10 I laid down in bed. It was a fitful rest if anything. At 11 Jacob joined me. We talked about how sorry he was for inconveniencing me, but I told him NEVER to say that. I love him, and would be with him no matter what. At 2 I woke to sounds of him coughing, gagging and vomiting. When I found him he was crouched over the bathtub, and the bottom was covered in clotted blood. “We are going back to the ER” I told him. He wanted me to drive him, but there was no way. I called 911, and in 15 minutes an ambulance was pulling in to my driveway.
At 3 he was in the ER. He needed to be transfused, which as of now he still hasn’t been. He had to have an NG tube put down his throat to clear his stomach of all fluids and blood. Then he had to have an endoscope. The endoscope came back showing that he has a bleeding ulcer in his stomach. The bad news, there is a clot laying on top of the ulcer that could not be moved. They have him on medications to shrink the clot, and to begin healing the ulcers…but his chances of re-bleed are 50/50 over the next 48 hours.
He is in the ICU, and I am at home. My inlaws came and spent the whole 5 hours with me. I am going to try to sleep, and try to contact his work and speak to someone live rather than a voice mail…on which they probably assume I am a blithering woman. I am going to try to sleep, but I doubt it will come. I have to stay home till at least 9 which is when visiting hours start. So I hope to get at least an hour or two.
If you believe in God, or some higher power please pray. I have already lost Jacob’s baby’s, I don’t want to loose Jacob too…