Two weeks ago Jacob brought home from work a new M*ulti* M*as*ter Top, and the creeping crud. Originally he was the only one downed by this ailment. Last weekend he was ultimately diagnosed with a “cold” and an ear infection and thus prescribed Teslin Perles for the cough, and Augmentin for his ear infection. At this point I was convinced that he would soon be on the mend, and that our lives would no more be interupted by fits of coughing in the middle of the night. Oh how wrong I was. For upon waking on Monday I too had succumbed to the evil little bug. With a slight temperature of 100.7 I drug myself to the bat cave for a day full of annoying parents and co-workers alike. Surely by Friday wellness should be on the horizon…right? No such luck.
By Wednesday being only able to breathe through my mouth I knew the end was not in sight. So I drove myself to Rite Aid and purchased a warm steam vaporizer and a bottle of liquid gold. It’s brand name is Liquid Vicks, and at $10.99 a bottle its worth just as much as top shelf Goldschlager, minus the flakes of course. Once at home I pried the unit from its box and waited for the sweet relief that the medicated steam would bring. Lets just say that was an ill spent $25, because even with the visible smoke plumes filling my bedroom with humidity I still spent more time intimately involved with a box of kleenex than I did actually breathing any better than I had before going to Rite Aid just to have the cashier say “Oh are you sick?” No ma’am I’m not. The red nose is so that I can audition to be Rudolph next year, and the Lauren Bacal voice is so that I can play her in the movie based on her life.
Today waking up still not able to breathe, feeling warm but not running a fever I finally let Jacob have it. When I wasn’t cussing at him for making me sick, I was cussing at my clothes that wouldn’t cooperate as I ran an iron across their fabric. When that failed to illicit a response I changed my tactic and went down stairs to yell at the dog, who incidentally was actually behaving herself for a change. After I arrived at work I decided to use my “connections” After all working in an ENT clinic who better to diagnose what ails me? Of course this was after a co-pay free visit to Dr. G@ @ g le.
I rapped on Dr. C’s door and asked if I could get her medical opinion. In her Norweigen accented voice she said “absolutely” So I asked if it was possible to have a sinus infection with no fever? I then went on to give her great detail of the coughing spells, and the green gunk that I was able to produce in copious gallon amounts. She immediately agreed, a sinus infection it was. However this is when she said “I would be happy to prescribe you something, but you’re pregnant aren’t you?” WOW, news traveled fast. I thought that was a fairly well kept secret, but I guess not. So I had to explain how I miscarried on April 30th. To which she immediately stammered a double apology. “Run up to the clinic and grab my prescription pad and I will write you a prescription for Ammoxicillin”
With one more $10 co pay paid later, I hope that finally with this round of antibiotics that I am finally healthy enough to get over the creeping crud. One would certainly think that after a round of 2000 mg Penicillian, and a 1750 mg round of Ammoxicillin that I would be crud and bug free for at least the next cycle or two. However the next time that Jacob brings the creeping crud home…I am going to go stay in a hotel.