What Not To Say…

I arrived at the clinic for what I hope is one of the last rounds of blood work for awhile. Jake sat with me in the waiting room, his arm wrapped around me. When it was my turn “Mia Farrow” came to the waiting room to summon me. “How are you today?” She asked, and I answered “Very well thank you” What? Very well thank you…where did that come from? Am I really ok? Am I really very well?

“This isn’t the way to end your day huh” She said. “Well it was better than having it start this way. Actually I refused to come this morning” I told her, and she nodded in understanding. She asked me how things were going, and I told her that I had passed the baby last night. I am sure she has no idea how lucky she was that I had a needle firmly planted in my arm for she says…

“Well at least you can get pregnant. There are some people it never happens for” I couldn’t believe my ears! How can you say that? I mean seriously, how can you say that? I could have easily been one of those women, and to be honest I wish I was one of those women. A few days a month of anguish certainly out ways a miscarriage, or still birth, or loosing a child who is older. So believe me, not getting pregnant in those circumstances are a gift.

My response was “Well this took 10 years” to which she seriously replies “well it was your first cycle, you are a fast learner” Again, I muttered a response of this being my umpteenth cycle, but I gave up. I thanked her and told her have a nice evening. She told me that my results would be back tomorrow as I left the clinic, Jake again wrapping his arms around me.

Anyone walking in would have thought we just got great news. For he wrapped his arms around me, and gently kissed my cheek. He told me he loved me, and I told him thanks. Not just for loving me, but for being there. Especially after all that I have put him through. We may not have our child, but we have each other, and for right now that is right thing to say…


7 responses to “What Not To Say…

  1. I am glad he was with you and very supportive during thw whole process. It is nice that the two of you were able to share a few special moments even during the troubled times.

  2. It is sad but I am glad you found a suitable place for your special angel. I am glad that you found a place that you can go to at anytime but is secluded enough that isn’t too public. That is nice. It will be very special for you. I am glad the rock and ivy worked out as a special place.

  3. For a long time I held on to hope because I could “at least get pregnant” After my first early miscarriage, my RE said that typically people who “at least get pregnant” are more likely to have a baby in the end than those who don’t get pregnant at all.

    Of course, in the end that didn’t really help me. At some point we stop looking at other people’s success as encouraging because it will either happen or it won’t. I don’t blame the b/d lady – she was trying, she just didn’t know her audience well enough. If you had been new at this it probably would have been comforting.

  4. I have to agree after a miscarriage the last thing you want to hear is atleast you can get pregnant. I hated hearing that as in didn’t change the fact that I had lost the baby that made me show a positive on the hpt. That is not very comforting when you are going through a loss.

  5. I’m glad Jake was there to support you. Most of the time we want our husbands to be more emotional. Times like this I’m glad they are our strong rocks.

  6. Jake is really stepping up. That is so awesome.

  7. Sometimes silence is the best conversation and in this case it would have been golden.

    Jake is doing a great job helping you through this.

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