We have red. To be honest we have had red since I arrived at the endodontist for my root canal yesterday. At first it wasn’t much. Just when I wiped. So I didn’t dare get excited. That sounds weird doesn’t it? Excited to be seeing blood when what I should be getting excited about is seeing our baby on its first ultrasound this week. Instead, I am excited for red.
I am still not cramping, which makes me loath to share this with you. I have read to many accounts that the natural miscarriages are horrifically painful, as opposed to those which are ended with a D&C. So I sit here and wait for cramping that causes me to bend over in my chair, and for the gush to come that even the mightiest of protection can’t catch. Its not happening. I am confused. Is this really it? Or is this just another tease?
Last Monday as I sat across from Dr. T in the chair closest to the window he told me that based on my HCG level there was likely not much “baby” left. He called them the products of conception, but regardless those products are were my baby. Still, does the knowledge that there “wasn’t much left” mean that I won’t have the gushes, or the mind numbing cramps?
Is this how the nightmare ends?
I could be wrong. This could simply be a complication. I suppose I should call the office and find out…but I am afraid that what I would be told is: “We will see you on Thursday”