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Two Week Wait…

No, not that kind of two week wait.

No, in two weeks we will be moving.  This is one of our last weekends in our house.  As I look around the slowly emptying rooms I help but become a little nostalgic.  Perhaps its because on Sunday I turn 34.  No not perhaps, for sure.

I think back to when we moved in 4 1/2 years ago.  I had turned 30 3 1/2 months before.  George Bush has just been sworn in as president (again) and we had our first house.  I remember the day we closed on our house.  Jake had been unhappy since we made the offer, but on that day he was particularly antsy as I handed over $11,000 in the form of 2 certified checks.  Over the next two weeks we painted and scrubbed, and hung mini blinds and window treatments.  I dreamed of bringing a baby home to this house.  I dreamed of putting a swimming pool in the back yard.  I couldn’t wait for summer so I could see what lay beneath the snow covered drive way.  In case your are interested it was pea stone.

4 1/2 years later though the feelings I once had for this house are fleeting, but the memories aren’t.  In two weeks we will be moving!  No longer will I be able to run to the washer in my pajamas.  No longer will I run outside on a Sunday morning wearing just my bathrobe to retrieve the paper that has been thrown into my withering rose bush yet again.  No longer will Jacob and I be able to raise voices without running the risk of someone banging on the wall reminding us that we aren’t encased by stone any longer.

There will be more two week waits to come even after we move.  8 days after we move I start 10 days of Provera.  3 days after that I start Follistim.  11 days after that i will ovulate.  Then two weeks after that I hope that my last two week wait has been met with fruition.  You know, I wonder when I will ever get to the point where life isn’t lived in the shadow to two weeks?

The Race Is On…

My friend and co worker has decided to dip her toe into the trying to conceive pond.  Me, I am excited for her rather than jealous.  I guess I have come a long way from the 20 something who would collapse into a puddle of tears upon hearing that yet another Navy wife was pregnant…again.  Of course we haven’t reached the point where she comes and tells me that she was successful in her endeavor either, so while I am cheering her on currently, that same state can’t be promised in the near future either. 

 

G and I are complete opposites.  She married late, I married early.  She decided she didn’t want to be a mother when she decided to attempt the suffocation death of her then newborn sister at the tender age of 3.   I, at the same age some years later knew two things I wanted a baby brother if I had to get another sibling, and at some point I wanted to be a mommy despite also being nearly responsible for the near Baby Magic dive bombing death of my infant sister.  Despite these less and some more obvious distinctions we get along and have become great friends…I think.  Yes, she is the one who when I first met Kathy was convinced that Kathy was going to put me in a trunk and shuttle me off to West Virginia.  Why West Virginia I am not sure, but this was her conviction.  She made me promise that I would call her when I got home where as my husband simply said “Have fun”.  She is also the one who calls you all “Your invisible friends”  which makes me grin each time she says it.

 

Anyway, she has a blog and at some point she has promised that she may start talking about this subject.  Now, I don’t want to embarrass her or say too much but she will be an older mom.  How much older than I well, I won’t say…but like us she may have an uphill battle with conception.  Or she may be the fertile myrtle that will make me want to claw her eyes out.  Either way, she is becoming one of us, and she will need some support.  Right now her blog is mainly about her observations and craft like stuff…but won’t you go over and visit with her?  Offer advice if you have it or simply say hello.

 

Incidentally we have decided…just for fun that we are going to get pregnant at the same time because that would really annoy our immediate supervisor.  See, what I neglect to mention is that once she was hired they tried to divide and conquer…well we still have jobs, and the hiring manager…well she doesn’t.  So the race is on…and in all honesty this is one race I am willing to come in second on because I really can’t wait to watch her become a mom…just remind her not to over think it!

Moving Is The New Fertility Drug!

I have decided that I can never leave my husband at home unattended with a phone near by.  See, our paper delivery person flaked on us, and failed to delivery our Sunday paper.  Depite repeated attempts to contact the Gazette and request a replacement we were still paperless as of the early afternoon.  Jonesing for the paper I threw on my Crocs and headed to Kuhns.  I grabbed the coveted tree by product and headed back home with plans to lounge on the couch and suck up as much black ink as my fingers could absorb before heading over to the full colored glossy inserts that I love.

Once I returned home I kicked off my shoes and planned my escape.   I opened the paper and started to read something regarding the economy, or the election I am sure when I hear “We are going to my mothers for dinner”  I looked at his grinning face over the now folded paper.  “Excuse me?  How did this happen?”  Still grinning “Well I called to see if we could come over for dinner tonight.  Mom’s going to give us left over enchaladas”  First, I hate left overs.  Second I hate enchaladas.  Third didn’t we suffer enough at the hands of my mother yesterday?  At first I told him I was staying at home, I was going to order pay per view movies but at the last minute I decided to go along.  Once again I threw on my Crocs and slinked off towards the car.  “We’ll only stay for an hour right?”  I implored…

After dinner, which was not enchaladas but spaghetti and with time approaching the 2 hour mark since our arrival  we were once again discussing the move.  Mom decided she would take our stove, which pleased Jacob.  He is more attatched to this appliance than our marriage I think.  After all “it was the first appliance we ever bought”  As we were talking about the apartment I said something about Jacob’s office being in the second bedroom.  “What does he need an office for?” Mom asks.  “Well he has always had an office no matter where we have lived, and this will be no different.  The second bedroom will be his office”  To which my darling mother in law replies “He better get over it because once you move I just know you are going to get pregnant again and my grand child is going to need his own space” 

I love that she is the complete opposite of my mother.  She may be annoying and over interested during my cycles, but at least she isn’t like my mother who is embarressed by them.  I just hope that she isn’t grossly disappointed if a new floor plan doesn’t equal the new Follistim…

M@m@ Mi@…

The definition of insanity, ok the unofficial definition is to do something over and over again expecting a different result…you know, you would think I know better but alas I simply think I am insane.

I often write about my mother in law, and we all have a good laugh.  We laugh because the things she doesn’t aren’t toxic.  Instead they are typical Marie VS Debra moments, but the things that my mother does can be considered toxic, but since I follow the standard psychological profile of needing a mothers love back I go.  Then at the end of the visit or conversation when my blood pressure is significantly higher I say the standard “Why do I keep going back?”  or “I can’t stand her I am never going over there again”  Yet again I go, over and over, and over.

What sparks this sudden disclosure of why my mother in law is crazy, but my mother insane?  Well today Jacob and I went over to visit after purchasing our new mattress and box springs.  My mother had originally offered to pay for an IUI for us in August, but conveniently didn’t have the money despite her quarterly trust funds arrival.  Then it was “I will give you that money for your Christmas gift put it towards your trip to Europe”  Then it was “I will buy your new mattress and box springs…”  just last week,  But today all of that was forgotten.  Not that I expect it, nor do I feel entitled to any of the promises that are made.  Its just simply that there is zero follow through on her part and this denial of the latest promise simply added to the litany of complaints.

Culminating with the following.  As we were talking I told her that I had seen my PCP and advised that I don’t have high blood pressure, but that I will never be allowed to use the pill again.  “Well why don’t you take out an ad in the Sunday paper doesn’t talking about this embarrass you?”  She asked  No, not really.  What is wrong with me saying I can’t take the pill?  That doesn’t embarrass me any more than saying I am allergic to Penicillin.  Its simply a fact of life.  So I said “Well, that means I can’t have  IVF.  Which comforts me because now I can say the reason is phyisical and not just financial”  I pause and then add “but we have been cleared for IUI if my cycle ever decides to arrive since the Provera still hasn’t brought it on, but we aren’t going to enterain that until after we move”

IMMEDIATELY she goes off the handle.  “When are you going to give this up?  You can’t have children so just get over it.  Good grief everyone thinks so.  Everyone knows you are grasping at straws”

You know what, everyone might think so including  you, my blog readers.   “Maybe I am tilting at windmills.  Maybe I am throwing my money away, but it isn’t your money, it is mine and until I reach menopause if I want to have an IUI every month then so be it.”  To this she turns white because she knows she has promised to help us out with an IUI and never did but at the time that wasn’t on my mind.  My simple point was I have NEVER asked ANYONE to finance our infertility EVER.  I don’t expect it, and I certainly don’t feel entitled to have it handed to me either.  But If the jab stung a little bit then so be it.  This is my life, and what I am doing in trying ot conceive may be insane.  Most would have given up years ago or would have moved on to IVF or adoption and certainly we may some day, but until we reach that point THIS is what is available to us, and frankly  I will not stand in anyones judgement and I mean that.

Now…remind me of this the next time you get a rare glimpse at my mother instead of a chuckle at the expense of my mother in law…