I Already Have A Child…Thank You…

My husband is a gamer through and through.  We have been together for 14 years, and in that time I have watched him fall in and out of love with just about ever gaming system, and computer console imaginable.  His love affair with World Of Warcraft found us standing at an outdoor mall at midnight so that he could be one of the first to behold an expansion pack.  Our first vacation in five years found us at the beach among others who proudly answered to their screen names.  Sadly, if someone shouts Alatoba, I know that they are referring to my husband and not to some fatal disease that has recently been discovered.

 

This is why when my loving husband informed me that he had purchased Xbox on Ebay for $50 that I just nodded and went on my merry way.  However it was as I  fired up the PS3 that he just purchased a short two months ago  to watch the latest Blu Ray disk that Net Flix had sent me that I made a shocking discovery.  We own a total of 7 PS3 games.  Each one purchased used from our local Game Stops every pay day or so.  Luckily Jacob is practical in his gamming and refuses to purchase a brand new game for $60 when the same said game will be $20 or less in 6 months.  Yet the pile for the Xbox, which just arrived on Friday afternoon, has now grown to 16 in 72 short hours.  You know the one that he bought on Ebay for $50.  I checked my bank statements and 2 trips to GameStop cost us an additional $90 on top of the $50 he already spend.  Oh yes,  what a deal!

 

As I write this I was thinking of how our finances will be affected WHEN I GET PREGNANT AGAIN.  I often worry about how I will provide a child with just enough material goods so that they don’t feel deprived tempered with the understanding that they don’t need every battery operated gadget to be happy.  Then I open the door to the closet and out tumbles an Atari 2600, a Nintendo Gameboy Advance, a Nintendo 64, and a PS1.   Then from the living room I hear the sounds of a Ferarri bouncing off of a guard rail followed by my first baby cursing at his ineptness at the controls.  It is at the moment that I  realize, I have nothing to worry about at all, after all for the past 10 years I have been tempering keeping up with the utilities and keeping up with a 32 year old child, so how bad can a new born strain us? After all,  the only difference is this one came to me already potty trained…

 

If Only My Cycle Was Predictable…

It has now been 4 weeks and counting since I had any corrospondence with my MIL.  Week #1 I emailed RE my GYN appointment, and how her wish for news of an impending grand child had been put on hold for 3 months.  To that I got zero response.  To that I became angry.  Week #2 MIL emails me requesting that I ask her son to return her duffle bag and AAA Card because we know how imperative it is that she have those two items.  You know because she is traveling out of the solar systems tomorrow and if the ship breaks down she may need to be towed or something.  Week #2–almost week #3 Jacob visits said in-laws house alone.  He asked if I wished to attend, but I declined.   FIL gives him $20 for coming.  I can’t figure out if it was because he came, or if it was because he came without me.  Hmm…  Week #3 Jacob stays home with me, and his parents aren’t even mentioned.

Now as we approach week 4 it occured to me that any day now my MIL should send a forward.  I figured it would come on Thursday since she knows I am off on Fridays.  Alas, I was a day late and a $20 short.  She sent it on Friday.  I deleted it as I don’t read forwards and secondly I am sure she requested notification as to its viewing since she sent it via inner office email.  Sure enough later that same day she sends me another email.  This time from home.  This time its “Monk Mail”  You know like an e-card, or something along those lines.  Something that surely has the “return receipt requested” attatched.

I suppose I shouldn’t be so amused but I am.  If my cycle was as predictable as my mother in law she would have been a grandmother to 4 living grand children by now instead…I just wonder…how desperate will she become as we approach week 5???

Almost Normal…

My blood pressure cuff arrived on the front porch today.  After the mail man and I had a quick chat about how my 4-10 hour days were treating me I eagerly opened the package and put the unit together.  I ran upstairs and found 4- AA batteries and I was on my way.  I eagerly shoved my left arm into the cuff and hit the start button.  I sat at the table quietly and watched my arm turn an uncomfortable shade of redish purple and then realized I didn’t need to put it on maximum inflation.  Still, I allowed the cycle to complete.

Survery Says–122/87.  I was ecstatic.  It had to be those white coats that stress me, not my body rebelling.  After all 150/102 at both doctors offices is just a little too coincidental.  I smuggly wrote the number down on my sheet of paper and proceeded to send off some emails touting my success.

At 1:20, after having my late lunch and running the vacuum I tried again.  I anticipated results close to those of this morning.  After all NOTHING stressful or worrisome has occured between 10-1 today.  So imagine my surprise when the cuff deflated and showed me a result of 141/91.  Nudging quickly towards those ever so worrisome numbers that prompted the need for such an aparatus to arrive at my door in the first place.

Oh well, at least for one shining moment I was almost normal…but almost only counts in hand grenades and horse shoes…

How Are You Doing?

I will admit that I was a bit overwhelmed with the number of comments to my last entry.  More so I was over whelmed by the number of emails I received asking if I was “Ok” At first I wasn’t able to answer those.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to answer them, but rather that I couldn’t.  Each time that I pressed fingers to the keyboard I could compose nothing more than a sentence or two of meaningless banter.  Yes, the one who is so often accused of having a way with words couldn’t reach into the Scrabble bag and pull out enough consonants and vowels to put together sentences. 

 

So how am I?

 

Well …

 

After 2 weeks of non stop spotting the damn broke and finally gave way to a full on AF.  This arrival was not one that was punctuated with glee.  It is during these times that I wish I was a normal PCOS’er who simply skipped AF for months at a time.  It’s another one of those moments when the lyrics “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” is completely accurate.

 

Along those lines, Rebecca called.  There is 100% no risk to a fetus if I am on provera at the time of pregnancy.  She said I will find a lot of older information on the internet that states that there is an increased risk of birth defects, but that it is erroneous.   She does however strongly recommend that I prevent a pregnancy profolactically until we get the BP under control.  Further, I CAN try to conceive even if I am on an ACE Inhibitor!  However, I can’t do it under her direction.  If I am on an ACE Inhibitor when I am ready to stand at that precipus that I will be immediately handed over to a high risk OB/GYN who would be willing to monitor me while using injectables.  However in my mind at that point I may as well return to an RE, but again we are not any where near the beginning nor the end of that journey.

 

Work is great.  I have been hand tapped for an outside project.  It isn’t huge in that the company will make millions if I am successful at its completion.  However it’s huge for me from a resume standpoint.  If I am successful at learning CODING then I will be universally employable!  I can now respond to ads that states “coding experience necessary”   I will say when approached I was a little nervous as the boss man comes into my office and shuts the door—having just come from a meeting discussing the fledgling budget.  Talk about getting a rise out of the BP!  I was seriously waiting to be told “As you know our profits….and we are sorry but we are letting you go” Seriously my heart was pounding until he told me he wanted me to work on this project.

 

Finally, I can pee in my bathroom again instead of in the basement.   Jacob however still hasn’t learned that what goes up must come down.  At least out of courtesy what goes up must come down.  I however have learned that a Tidy Bowl blue covered floor is not worth the cost or aggravation of trying to fight city hall, so now I make sure to look before I leap, or in this case sit. 

 

So how am I doing?  Well, I think I am doing OK…

 

Oh…and I don’t know if this was a dream or if an angel whispered in my ear…but according to the voice “You will be pregnant on June 6th”  Thats a little longer than I planned, but I will take it…

Cross Roads…

I have found myself at another cross roads so to be honest I don’t know where or if the blog continues from here.

First and foremost, I am not bailing out on our plan to TTC in December, or later depending on how I feel at that time.  Right now, I am leaning towards maybe even a longer wait.  Not to long as 35 comes 14 months from now…and I don’t want to be too high risk when I get pregnant again.  I am however going to change PCPs.  I was speaking with a group of women who experienced secondary infertility following MC, or the birth of their children.  Some as old now as Isaac would have been, and he would have just turned 9 in July.  Each one who responded to my query was on an ace inhibitor while TTC and after they became pregnant, or were on a beta blocker, or were placed on a diuretic as a first line of control.  Each who  gave birth did so to term, healthy babies.  Each had been diagnosed with hypertension prior to becoming pregnant either with medical intervention or with the good old fashioned way for thier pregnancies.

However, until we revisit TTC, IF we revisit ttc,  we want to focus on us.  It became crystal clear on the 17th that for the time Jacob and I not only were in the same book but on the same chapter, and more importantly on the same page.  Our conversation was private, so I won’t be sharing it here.  I know…shocker right.  I am clamming up regarding one of the most important potentially altering changes and I dont’ want to share the nitty gritty.

The front line is that our focus is changed.  We are focusing on the now.  The every day matters.  Our finances for example.  We have gotten away from saving, and instead have licked our wounds with spending.  We have a $1200 television to prove it, but I still have a bathroom that needs remodeled.  Oh yes, time for a reality check there!  We are also going to really put an effort into moving.  We looked at a place last night that had GREAT potential…but why move from one money pit into a rental that would require such potential that the landlord isn’t willing to do?  My motorcycle…Jacob admitted that he hates the idea, and would rather I buy a car.  I told him I would consider it if I can instead by a convertable.

So as you can see, with a changed focus comes a cross roads.  Do I continue to blog?  Will anyone care?  When I changed my entries from all infertility ails to general life and infertility I had someone email who said “I am not going to read your blog any more.  I thought it was infertility blog….”  So when I am 90, and well past my prime should I still write about my cystic ovaries and the fact that they couldn’t produce living spawn?  As you can see, I didn’t take that under advisement.  Anyway…I know I am rambling.  I just wanted to let you all know that the blog may end, or it may continue sporatically, or it may change venues completely.

For example, October we are entering a ZERO spend month.  Perhaps I will blog about that.  You never know…Just bear with me folks as I figure it all out.  But do know this…I type with with not a heavy heart that the end may have come…but rather with a smile on my face.  i just wish that the mirror has been held in front of it a LONG time ago…for then who knows…everything may have been different…